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Reason 4,682 that I have the coolest mom ever

Reason 4,682 that I have the coolest mom ever

“Can we talk?”   She asked, sealing the deal. 

The talk varies, mother to mother, but based on what I have gathered from friends and every TV show ever, common themes include:

  1. Waiting
  2. Avoiding STDs
  3. Avoiding pregnancy

So back to my teenage hell, and the increasingly awkward moment I was living/dying in with my mother.  First, she asked me if I knew the basics.  I’d had sex education since elementary school, so I assured her that I was good on the logistical front, in effect begging her to spare me that -- at least, that!

She seemed confident enough in my liberal LA school system not to press the point, and that in that case, she only had one thing she wanted to tell me.  I braced myself.  

“Make sure it’s good for you, because the guy doesn’t know what he’s doing either.”

My brain exploded.  This was not in any of the awkward TV episodes I had seen about the talk.  This was never mentioned by the terrifying Sex Ed teacher at my school.  I knew all about sex: I knew about fallopian tubes!  I knew that if you put a condom on inside out first, you had to throw it away!  I knew about dental dams!  I knew about AIDS!  I knew everything about AIDS -- it was the 90s.  But nobody had ever mentioned anything about pleasure.  “Make sure it’s good for you”?  What did that mean?

I gave my mom a quick, got-it-thanks reply and ended the conversation (forever). I had no idea what she meant, but there would not be follow-up questions.  It wasn’t until many years later that I understood, and realized the full awesomeness of, that advice.  

As a woman, you are told so much about how to give pleasure to others, and so little about how to receive it yourself.  It’s rarely even mentioned, let alone prioritized, when we talk to women about sex.  And pleasure is also rarely mentioned, let alone prioritized, when we talk to women about life in general.  But what better life advice is there, when it comes down to it, especially for women?  

Make sure it’s good for you, because nobody else knows what they’re doing either.


Stephanie is Elvie's awesome LA based content creator