Is she sleeping through the night?

This is the first thing everyone says, whether they’re your best friend or a complete stranger (and seriously, why does a complete stranger even care to have this information?). Babies don’t sleep through the night for at least a few months—and that’s if you’re really lucky. A solid five or six-hour stretch is like winning the lottery to new parents. So please—don’t ask if the baby is sleeping through the night and then look at us with “I’m so sorry for you” eyes when we say no. Let us have our small victories.

Are you breastfeeding?

Breastfeeding can be a breeze for some women and really challenging and stressful for others. And if you’re in the latter camp, the last thing you want to do is explain those challenges or choices to anyone. Unless you’re the pediatrician, we don’t need to discuss the logistics. As long as the baby is fed (whether it’s from the boob or the bottle) that’s all that matters.

Is she a good baby?

What exactly does “good” mean? Babies do not have manners, follow directions, get dressed on their own, or cook you dinner. They cry and fuss at very inopportune times. They don’t sleep when you want (or need) them to. They spit-up all over their clothes. Sometimes they poop directly on you. And they don’t even care. But in my opinion, all babies are “good” babies.

You look tired.

I’ve only had about 16 collective hours of sleep since January, but I really thought I was looking somewhat human… I see I was mistaken. Telling a sleep deprived new mom that she looks tired will probably make her cry (I fully blame the hormones!). Instead, offer to buy her an extremely caffeinated coffee, or come over and take care of the baby for two hours so she can have a nap. 

Most of the time, these conversations all start with the best intentions. But sometimes, us new moms just want to make small talk about the weather or bad reality TV shows.

By Jess