Despite doctors giving the thumbs up for penetrative sex six weeks after giving birth, around 50% of men say they expect sex after a few days (ummm, yeah that’s not going to happen!). On the other hand, up to 67% of women say they don’t expect to have sex again until after a few months, for the fear of it being too painful.
From physical changes, particularly to the vagina, bladder control and pelvic floor, to hormonal and emotional transformations, it is no wonder many people find it difficult to have sex again soon after birth.
We have a couple of suggestions to rejuvenate you physically and emotionally, and to help you slide into your new postpartum sex life.
Self-Care
Good diet and exercise. Hit up your local mommy workout group as they can build up your dopamine and testosterone levels, which are key hormones for boosting your sex drive.
Treat yourself. Have your partner or friend look after the baby so you can get some undisturbed “me-time”. You have just brought a new living being into the world so why not indulge in some pampering and personal pleasures; whether it be your favourite saucy rom-com, some retail therapy or a long bath?
Reconnect with your body. Bathtime discos are a great way to do this with yourself and your new body, because it will have changed and that’s a beautiful thing after nine months of pregnancy. Light some candles, put on your favourite playlist, splash out on bubbles and essential oils. Rose and Jasmine are known for their aphrodisiac properties to help revive your libido.
Kegel exercises. Elvie Trainer helps women train their pelvic floor muscles, supporting bladder control and increasing blood flow to the vagina for greater sensitivity and lubrication. Women that regularly train their pelvic floors even report stronger orgasms!
Self-pleasure. Make your bathroom discos super pleasurable by exploring yourself and massaging your clitoris with waterproof vibrators like Crescendo. Reaching orgasm will help your postpartum sex life as your body releases those all important ‘happy’ hormones!
Sensual Massage
Date night. 80% of men say it is important to them to have regular date nights after the baby is born. So make sure you make time for your relationship and set a date night. If you can, find someone to look after your child and enjoy some alone time with your partner, giving your full attention to the sensation of skin-to-skin touch (even just holding hands!).
Reconnect with your partner. 67% of women say that foreplay and romance are key after childbirth. Why not get your partner to light some candles, put on some sensual music and give you a massage. Have them use other libidinous stimulating essential oils, such as ylang-ylang. Physical touch releases oxytocin, a ‘bonding’ hormone, to help you reconnect with each other.
Coreplay. This is our term for foreplay, as sex isn’t just penetrative. If it takes a little longer to get to a point where you’re comfortable with penetration then kissing, touching and oral sex should be the main event. Using a sensual massager like Crescendo can help to build up sensation each date night. Exploring non-penetrative positions will give your body and mind more time to get used to the idea of penetrative sex.
Lube up. We absolutely recommend lubricant for preparing yourself for penetrative sex. After giving birth your levels of estrogen and progesterone drop and this can cause vaginal dryness. It’s nothing to be worried or ashamed about. There is an array of massage lubes that you can incorporate into sensual massage, so eventually you can slip into the best postpartum sex of your life.
Take your time
Most importantly, don’t rush yourself. Everybody is different so don’t feel pressure to do anything you’re not ready for. Take this time to indulge in new forms of sensuality and connection with yourself and your partner. Get yourself pumped (with lube) and excited for when the time comes!
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This blog was written by Stephanie Alys, co-founder and Chief Pleasure Officer at Mystery Vibe. Mystery Vibe is a British sex toy manufacturer with a vision to create the complete pleasure experience. Their mission is to empower relationships, conversations and individuals through pleasure. To find out more visit www.mysteryvibe.com.
If you enjoyed this post let us know on social media by tagging @elvie and @mysteryvibe. Or if you're ready to invest in your self-care get your hands on an Elvie Trainer, our award-winning Kegel trainer.